I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
