I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm sobbing to NWA
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
