before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
