U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
