The maid of honor just puked.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
