If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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