it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
