i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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