I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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