somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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