Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
