dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
that's an acceptable place to lick
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
