At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
