dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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