Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
