He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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