there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
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