Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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