that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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