I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
