Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
