your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
