what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
how do flat chested girls get laid?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
as a side note pls kill me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
