Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
