Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
