This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
