you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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