I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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