since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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