The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
