you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
