4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
