did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
