Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
