And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Found the puke drawer
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
jump out the window naked night went bad
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
