? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
