Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
