I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
