So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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