You're my little dorito
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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