Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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