I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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