I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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