She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
