I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
