LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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