so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
