let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
