I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
