I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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