every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
