it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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