He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
