wakey wakey hands off snakey
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
