Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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