kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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