On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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