like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
