My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
