How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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