Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
