1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
