I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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