before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
