Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
