We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This is classic penis vs brain.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
