So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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