I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
