Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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