He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
