Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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