Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
