i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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