I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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