yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize