were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
