I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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