So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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