No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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