he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
