i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
