I'm eating all of the evidence.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
