he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
