I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
