My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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