not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
